I just turned 40 this year, I am the mother to three beautiful princesses who show me unconditional love on a daily basis. I am somewhat of a mess. I was raised by an abusive mother who told me I was worthless with her actions and how she chose my brother over me. My dad hid me from his family because his ex wife told him he couldn't see my sister if he brought me around. So, for years I was the secret child. Only brought out on holidays and family reunions. That was my foundation of love. I always felt if I loved them hard enough they would love me back, the way I needed to be loved. That mentality has spilled over into my adult life in my friendships and my romantic relationships. I am still searching for someone to love me. This year though, I made it my mission to learn how to love myself. TO learn what I liked, didn't like, what made me laugh, cry and ultimately happy. I am working on me, because that initial foundation of being not good enough, only seen behind closed doors and never being chosen is a hard thing to break.
I know I am suppose to be here though, because I have crashed two cars because I was so tired, I fell asleep at the wheel. I have been in cars with people who were too intoxicated to drive. I was with a very violent abusive man, but he was never abusive to me. I am an extroverted introvert, if that makes any sense. My favorite color is blue, I absolutely love cheesecake and being by water is my happy place. I DO NOT like flowers or any type of flora smelling anything. I don't eat pork or seafood. I don't drink because everybody on my dads side of the family are alcoholics and many have died from the disease. So, its in the genes. I don't do drugs of any kind, because I am a slight control freak and I have to be in control. Which is normally why I drive everywhere I go. I LOVE being around people, but I mostly roll solo. I am impatient and EXTREMELY sarcastic. But, I love hard and if I call you a friend I am the most loyal person you will ever meet. I will never give you bad advice and I will always make sure you are being the best person you can be.
I have been shot at twice and I have planned to end my life twice. I believe in GOD, but I don't go to church (church hurt). But, I grew up in church and can quote scriptures like the back of my hand. I believe strongly in LOVE, but I believe my soulmate died in 2008.
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