This dating thing perplexes me in so many ways. I consistently consult my friends, couples and married people to assess my behaviors to see if it is me. I really think I am like a "broken toy." I am fine to look at...even pick up and play with but not take out the store. So, because I think that about myself...I look to others to give me advise on what I can do better. After venting to a good friend of mine about another failed dating experience, she asked me "Why do you care?"
Why do I care? She was referring to the fact that I kept saying, "People always tell me...or people talk about me being too picky when it comes to dating." Her point was, I have never been a person who really cared about what other people said. So why care now? Truth. I doubt myself a lot. I have not picked very well when it comes to the opposite sex Come to think of it, I have made a lot of personal decisions that were not the best either.
Who hasn't right?
Her question did make me think. Why do I care? Why do I think I need other people when it comes to making decisions on important things in my life? Truth. Outside validation is important to me, because my inside validation is pretty weak. Before you jump to the prototype answer of "You have to love yourself or you should only care what you think not anyone else" I know all the daily affirmations and self-building therapies, implementing it..that is another story.
I could say it is because I did not get enough hugs or attention from dad. Or because my mom pushed for me to be great but left the self-esteem foundation out of the structural build. The reality is failure...repeated failure has caused me to doubt my abilities. So, why do I care? I care because when you are testing a theory, you need at least one outside agreement to make its valid. I care because it feels good for someone to reassure your affirmations about yourself.
So, yeah, I care. Most people have a best friend, family member or significant other that validates them daily. I do not have that. My friends are incredibly supportive, but they do not feed my need to be validated. They are very adamant or confident in self. Caring about what other people think, is not something they give too much weight to. Even though most will not admit it, it feels good to have someone tell you how great you are, or how you ...just being you made them feel. I think you should care what people think, just a little bit because you cannot go about life alone. You should have that person or persons in your corner that call you on your BS and pat you on the back when you have done good.
We all still have that little kid in us, that is looking or wanting that assurance that we are on the right path in life. I know I still love a hug. It makes me feel accepted and loved. Do not get it twisted though. I do not care about EVERYBODYS thoughts or opinions on my life or decisions. Only certain people have the power to change the degree of self-esteem that I have. At the end of the day though, it is self-esteem. Which means I need to strengthen how I feel about self and how confident I am in myself.
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