Love
Told her that her heart you would earn. When will she learn, that words will always hurt. Heart unguarded, tears constantly burning her face. For real love she is willing to wait. Even though it constantly shows up late and she is starting to hate that four-letter word you call love.
It is used to drive hate, when you are apologizing for showing up late and when she questions why your dick smells like Chanel #8. You use that word like you shower every day, out of habit and the need to be clean. Nothing more nothing less and nothing in between. Yet, you don’t mean it. It is a means to an end for you.
She says she loves you unconditionally. That is true, but not entirely. Her love comes with the conditions that you do not cheat, you rarely lie and you don’t intentionally make her cry. She proves her love to you time and time again. Even though you don’t adhere to her conditions and break her heart over and over again. She lets you back in. That is the unconditional part. She keeps letting you play Russian roulette with her heart.
You try your best to be the man that she requests, but it is just not in you yet. You see, you haven’t learned to love you yet. Every relationship you have been in did not equip you to have a healthy relationship. Toxcicity wrote your love stories and solidified your love language. Dealing with broken women caused you to hide your love, never fight for your love, doubt and be contrite with your love. You started treating women how they had treated you and allowed your past to lead you and now you are here.
In a relationship with a woman who only wants to bring you near, to love you the best way she can. Not needing you, but wanting you to just be her man. Yet you continue to abuse her without using your hands. You..rooted in pain, shaped by trauma and vowing to never be in love again. How will she ever reach you? In the end, you realize neither one of you have any idea what real love is.
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