Sometimes its You!

Throughout my life a phrase I have always heard is, "If all your relationships have failed, you are the common denominator, its probably you." It took me awhile to accept this saying, because nobody wants the problem to be them. But, it actually makes sense. I mean you are the only thing in the relationship that hasn't changed. You take yourself in every relationship. The issue I have with this statement is the fact that people do change. Hopefully, when you leave a relationship..you do some type of self evaluation. So, you don't go into every relationship the same way. After my college sweetheart broke up with me, I wanted to leave this world, after that I started to think of all the things I could change to make the next man stay with me. Was this the appropriate response?? Probably not.

However, when I went into my next serious relationship. I was set on making my mans life easy, so that he would not have a reason to leave me for someone else. That didn't work either! He still cheated and left. Then when my marriage failed, I reevaluated myself, my relationship style and how I missed the red flags. From that, I decided I didn't want to be in a committed relationship anymore. I had what I needed to take care of my daughter and the only thing missing was some adult companionship, every now and then. This worked for years, then I got pregnant and entered into a situationship. I knew there was no future with this person, but I was now pregnant. I never wanted to be a single parent, so I made the choice to stay with this person so they would have a two parent household.

During this time though, he cheated multiple times and I checked out. For 7yrs, I was not an active part of the relationship. But, with my marriage and the situationship..I was the problem. I knew that these relationships were not what I wanted for my future. But, I continued to spend time with these men. In these relationships, I CHANGED. Which to the point of this phrase, I became the problem.

I started changing in the relationships, taking time out for me and not accepting disrespect or abuse. I became a problem for the men I was with because they were not use to me behaving the way I did. The time I took in between my relationships caused me to understand myself and the things that I wanted in a relationship. I think everyone will take the time out to evaluate themselves and work on their negative and toxic traits.

This is not just for Male/female relationships. This is for all the relationships in your life. If when discussing the relationships in your life, ALL of them have ended badly, then the problem IS you! Don't take it personal, change is a part of life. However, don't just change because someone says you need to, change because you want to and ALWAYS change for the better!