Pretty

Yes, I am pretty

Yes, I am pretty. But only on the outside.

On the inside, you would be amazed at the things I try to hide

Assimilating into what the world expects of me

No one wants to hear that I am a child abuse survivor

Rape survivor

Divorce survivor

I got single mother issues

Have never been satisfied sexually

Oh and that account stay on negative

You see you don’t really want to get to know me

You just want me to act pretty, so you can fuck me

Lets’ get down to the nitty gritty of how I don’t see what you see when you look at me.

How I feel unworthy of love

How I stand in the mirror and pick myself apart

How I use to hide from a camera and watch people be happy from a far

How it’s an everyday battle to get up, get out of bed and approach the world in a confident manner

How I have been single for a while and sometimes it hurts to smile because I know it’s only a mask I wear as an actor

Oh and trust me, I deserve an Emmy because the woman that is in me is screaming, “Can’t you see that this is fake laughter?”

Follow me down the rabbit hole of guilt, shame and pain.

As I stand and proclaim, I am Okay..it was great..call me after

But, I am only a shell tied to a soul who doesn’t even matter

Yes, I am pretty…but only on the outside

Because, the ugly I chose to hide..nobody wants to know how I cry..because baby I am a great actor

The men I love, don’t want me..but now I know it’s because they see the darkness that seeps from the mask after.

After, they have cum and I am laying their feeling numb because they got theirs and I am left lacking

And on the drive home, I am left all alone with that negative bitch and her bitter laughter

So, you thought HE would stay..SHIIT there ain’t no way..nobody is going to stay with all that ugliness that comes after

But Oh after a while, I will learn how to smile without playing the role of Hollywoods’ best actress.

You see, once I started to love me.

I started to see the pretty that the world sees

And say, Yes..I am pretty