Lonely

I only get lonely when I am at peace. When my world slows down and the quiet pierces my ears. I realize, I am a single chess piece. It’s the time when I long for pillow talk. That has nothing to do with my girls day or the newest gossip on TikTok. I yearn to be held and told that I am beautiful. For a back rub that leads to sex. Even in a world that says it isn’t so.

If I am honest, I don’t even think I am lonely. I am fearful. I am scared that the more comfortable I get in my space there will be no room for anyone else. I will have filled it with the love for myself, my girls, my career and my education. I will busy myself with fixing up my home and relish in the fact I get to do what I want anytime I want.

It scares me to think that the old wives tells are untrue. There really isn’t somebody out there for you. If you don’t find someone in your youth, it’s pretty much over for you.

The fear that I will become content with being alone. To have pushed aside the desire to be loved for so long that I will never be anyone’s home. There will never be a great love story to tell the grands Dating aimlessly just to have some adult conversation once in awhile. Switch out friends with benefits when they no longer come around.

I mean is this really going to be my life. Women out here singing loudly aloud to Fuck them niggas songs, sung by women with whole men at home. Life really ain’t fair. I have no idea what chess piece I am up there.. but I really wish they would quit playing with me.