This year, I decided to go to San Diego for my 41st birthday. Jan 26th should have been full of partying and celebration, but it was overshadowed by a helicopter crash that took the lives of basketball legend Kobe Bryant and his 13yr old daughter Gianna. There is an immense sadness that comes with this event. It was very hard to expect people to spoil me or focus on me, especially here in California.
This birthday was suppose to be spent with family. But, one cousin moved to Ohio and the other one was stuck on his ship. So, I spent the majority of my birthday trip..by myself. It was bittersweet. I tried to enjoy spending the time with myself doing the things that I loved. All the while having a room, that I got at a great price on Coronado, on the beach. I got on plenty of fish and tagged to try and find a companion to spend my time with. I did find one. We met in person outside this little lounge, he was tall and fairly attractive. The conversation was good and my plan was to see if we had a connection past the conversation. However, when it was time to go to the next step, was when he told me he was living with family. So, his place was out. He was not military, so he could not get on base...so my hotel room was out. We parted ways and I went back to my room alone..again.
I tried very hard to focus on how beautiful the scenery was and how I was very lucky to be spending my birthday in Sunny San Diego, but the negative won. This heaviness of how I had no one to share my life with, caused me to isolate. I deleted the POF and Tinder app..got some food and binged watched Dharma and Greg till I fell asleep. I know AWESOME birthday right? I did get to enjoy some good food at my cousins and I got to have a great conversation with her husband. However, I couldn't help feeling that it would have been nice to have someone to share the dinner with. One who was with me, about me and wanted to share his life with me.
I am now back in Houston and its still been hard trying to shake this feeling of being alone for the rest of my life. Eventually, my children will grow up and go off to have lives of their own...then where does that leave me. IT has already happened with most of my family and friends. I thought about this so much I even got back on Pof and Tinder..I met a couple of men...no one lasted more than a week. But, I will talk about that when I do my blog on online dating. Slowly, I am coming to accept the fact that it might be meant for me to do this life without someone permanent by my side. I am just going to have to figure out how to do that without being depressed about it. That is what I learned on my birthday this year.
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