Son,
This is your birthday month
Sorry, I haven't been around much
But, giving you back to your mom was the hardest thing I have ever done
I was your mom for almost a year
We had family pictures
My family knew you
But,
It was the right thing to do, to give you back to your mom
She was young and unstable
But..connected by blood
And I wasn't.
I had to separate from you
So, that she could play her part
Assume that role and regain control..of your love and her life
Being a part of your life, without being a part of your life
Was too hard for me to bear
I haven't physically seen you since you were five
There are nights I still cry
The emptiness of having a son..then not having a son
Left my heart in pieces
Eventually, I picked up the pieces and became okay with seeing you through pictures
Reaching out to your mom to check on your well being
But, the void is still there
The pain of having to pack up everything I bought you and drop you off with her
Became too much to bear
I came by occasionally
Forehead kisses and long hugs
Then you got bigger and stopped remembering who I was
I never stopped loving you
As the emptiness in me grew, so did you
Till we were no longer family to you
Son, I miss you
God, blessed me with two little hearts after you
And the healing started
I learned I could love hard and unconditionally someone who was not born from me
However, I will never do that again..not willingly
To the only son, I will ever have
I hope you aren't mad
I am glad for the life you have had
And I Thank God for giving you another year of life!
With all my heart..
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