Hello,
My name is Trey and it has been 18 days since my last entry. Ice came back around, but yet again he was a no show and went ghost after. Winston resurfaced, just long enough to resave my number. Dallas dude is coming to Houston at the end of the month and I had to send him my number. OHH..and D.A just popped back in the picture. D.A was this dude that I was really feeling about 9yrs ago. Things didn't go well and we lost touch for awhile. After Jody and I split, we reconnected. Went out on a couple dates and had a hotel rendezvous that ended early, because I remembered why we fell out in the first place. Well, it is 2020 and he has resurfaced again. Truth is...I don't know why I keep reconnecting with these guys. If I am being honest, I think its the attention they give me, for the short time that they give it to me...I guess
Its been 90 days since I have connected with someone and I am trying to make it to 180. I wish I could say, I made a declaration and stuck to it. Unfortunately, I am not that disciplined. It had been 90 day for lack of options and a female problem that caused me to run through pads like water. Its a forced celibacy and there is no complaining on my part. It has caused me to see things, relationship-wise, more clearly. It is interesting to see men for who they really are without the sex-colored glasses. I am not going to pat myself on the back just yet though, it could be I just haven't met anybody that makes me wanna risk it all.
I took a sabbatical for the month of July and only did things that made me happy. I started to feel like I was losing my mind, the grief and anger I was feeling had started taking over my life and I needed a break. SO, on June 30th..I quit my job and went on a three week road trip. Most of the time was spent catching up with family and friends. The majority of the time was spend enjoying the company of my children and getting some much needed rest.
It is now August 11th and I am starting to get restless. I told myself, I would wait until we figure out the school situation before I went back to work. Yet, after completing my household projects and editing my book..I am starting to go stir crazy. I am trying to be patient and allow my life to follow Gods plan, but I can't help but want to help him.
My grandmothers memorial was on Sunday. I was able to make it through, because I went out to Courtney and Scott Frees house to hangout with them for awhile. They listened to the memorial with me and helped me keep it together with laughter and good food. I thought I was okay, it wasn't until they started playing, "I look to you" by Whitney Houston. I had to turn the live feed off and compose myself. To say I am out of my feelings about that would be an understatement.
I haven't been writing much because the headspace I am in is not really positive. I figured that putting those thoughts on virtual paper would not be something people would like to read. Maybe they would. I mean people do like to read or hear drama, the juicer the better. Which is probably why my blog has had such a slow start. Even with the momentum that the blog has, I am unable to gauge whether my words are making any impact at all. Finding time to write now, is not an issue because all I have is time. It is hard for me not to just sit and write a blog post like this one that has many different topics and ideas in it..but it has no real focus.
Today, I just felt like writing. Just to get some of the things out my head. This will probably be the least comprehensible blog I have written so far.
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